It Cannot Be Always Sunny

I will tell you a secret: I love sunny days better that rainy ones, but there is something magical about the rain. The clouds in the sky, enormous, dark grey, the sunset’s game of light seems to prepare us for a lullaby, and the noise of airplanes passing by, they are just thunders, with weird intervals, sometimes continuosly thundering, sometimes breaking the noise with silents, and the lightenings so bright, the light turning on and off illuminating the dark as turning on the night and the thoughts.

My little dog is afraid and he asks me to be picked up, he feels safer in her mummy’s arms. The cat sleeps as ignoring what is happening around. I swing in my hammock and I am too lazy to get up, seeking that pleasure to close my eyes and forget the world around me.

I have been depressed lately, probably sad, missing the people I love, I did not cook, I slept a lot when I could, I went for walks and sunsets to feel better, I searched for that contact with nature, the only one to give me relieve. I confess that I failed to shower, who does it care? Who is going to see me during this corona virus? I did gardening, mowing the grass, planting cactus, cleaning up flower beds from weeds, I looked at the rain from the window and even cried.

It is easier to cry when it is raining, nobody is going to notice it, and it is like alleviating the pain, getting it out, just as screaming inside, but the rain is mystical. Staring at the sky and watching the beauty, the big clouds, masses of foam, curves, circles, bubbles, low hanging in the sky, and the ray of light coming from the sun, that passes through the holes between the clouds, shy, and the timid light creating a huge rainbow.

The eyes smile at the sight of the arched, colorful, stunning display, and makes me want to live again, like a wake up, for that life is always colorful, and even the darkest black is life, and the beauty of it is the changing colors, it cannot be always sunny, that is my thought for tonight.

When You Fall in Love to a Narcissist Who Accuses You to Be One

I am reading the words written by this PH.D. doctor Peg Streep about gas lighting versus Blame-shifting and something sounds familiar to me. According to the author, narcissistic people may use one of these tactics, and both tactics are verbally abusive and depend on an imbalance of power in the relationship between the person using them and the person on the receiving end; the powerless intended target is usually very invested in the relationship, most likely loves or cares deeply about the abuser, and is often dependent on him or her.  The person doing the gaslighting or blame-shifting is actually more interested in feeling powerful or in control (and the buzz that comes with it) than they are emotionally connected to their target.

Do not play his game, if you do not want to be trapped in his fishnet

Gaslighters — people who try to control others through manipulation — will often accuse you of behaviors that they are engaged in themselves. This is a classic manipulation tactic. Cheat in relationships, yet accuse their victims of cheating. Accuse their victims of manipulation, when they are the ones who manipulate. Whatever the origin of the gaslighter’s accusatory behavior, they are still 100 percent responsible for it. Treat all cases of accusations toward you as what they are — accusations, not facts. There is no need to spend extra energy trying to defend yourself; it will never be good enough. Instead, take a hard look at whether the behavior the gaslighter accuses you of is actually something they are doing.

Since one of the key tactics of gaslighting is to stay on the offensive, many gaslighters can become highly aggressive and hostile when called on their falsehoods and lies. Rather than justifying their own words and actions (which they know are indefensible), they try to regain control by doubling or tripling down on their attacks, while discrediting and dehumanizing their victims. By enacting this “toxic drama,” the gaslighter hopes to intimidate and bully their victims into submission while getting away with their own character flaws and moral corruption. Gaslighter’s behavior is — manipulation of you and  others by way of accusation or distraction. Gaslighters take advantage of their target’s fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and neediness to their own ends.

Depending on the situation, a gaslighter may coerce the gaslightee to limit their interaction with friends, family, associates, wider community, or broader media. Just yesterday I heard the words: “I wanted to save you, ” Typical of oppressor psychology, some gaslighters cast themselves as “savior,” “hero,” “superior,” and the only one with the power and solution to alleviate the gaslightee’s many issues and difficulties (real or invented). In order to grant relief, claims the gaslighter, the gaslightee must submit to their directives, no matter how manipulative and exploitative.

Blame-shifting also exploits whatever disparity in power exists in the relationship and, between adults, it has certain subtleties that gaslighting does not and, as a net, it catches more fish. This behavior is always about power and the sad truth is that the victim tends to be the one who loves, needs, and depends on her or his abuser in ways that are significantly different from the motivations of the person shifting blame.

This particular form of manipulation depends on the abuser really knowing your weaknesses and tendencies; among them might be your steadfast avoidance of conflict or your proclivity to play the peacemaker; your tendency to backtrack on your positions; your desire to please; your own insecurities and doubts about yourself; and your tendency to question the validity of your thoughts and feelings.

 Let’s say you complained about his or her behavior and the argument escalated until suddenly the abuser says, “I wouldn’t have acted that way if you weren’t always nagging me” or “If you didn’t always start in when I am dead tired from work, I wouldn’t lose my temper” or “If you weren’t always focused on you and your needs, we wouldn’t be fighting.” The chances are good that the guilt-tripping works because you want this relationship to thrive and suddenly you feel awful and you hear yourself apologize.

I am sorry to say that this actually happened to me. I did notice early in my relationship to a man who turned out to be highly narcissistic that he had an odd way of deflecting the conversation when I discovered he hadn’t been entirely truthful about something I asked him about.

The obvious answer is that it permits them to dodge responsibility for their words and actions; what’s more convenient than having a ready fall guy or a scapegoat? Plus, being right all the time is a dandy confirmation for the narcissist, reinforcing how strong and superior he or she is, . An allied tactic is what Craig Malkin in his book Rethinking Narcissism calls “playing emotional hot potato,” which is another way of looking at projection: The narcissist ascribes what he or she is feeling to the target. That too undermines the target’s sense of her own perceptions; even though she can see that he is red in the face, his jaw muscles working, and his arms closely held against his chest, he is telling her that it’s her anger that is wrecking the relationship. And she is apt to believe it.

And this explains all the jealousy scenes where he, as a cheater, was trying to ascribing me his misbehavior, or when he realized he was a narcissistic and he had to accuse me of being one. Narcissistic people have their own ways to see people or animals, they alternately idolize a person or animal and then demote it to being the lowest form of life possible. There is no middle ground. 

Never trust a narcissistic person with an animal, If a dog has urinated on the carpet while the narcissist was out, the narcissist sees it as a personal affront—even though the narcissist left the dog alone for 12 hours. The narcissist then hits the dog and calls it names. The dog learns to fear the narcissist. When people or animals fear the narcissist, he or she gets a psychological payoff of control.  

You get home from a business trip, and the narcissist says they have been so busy and they forgot their medicines. By neglecting your dog, eliminating your pet, the narcissist has removed one more barrier in order to control you.    

Never trust a Narcissist in your life, for every reason, they are only users, they will love you as long you let them feel macho, when you try to correct their misbehavior, you are going to be their worst enemy. They spend your money without hesitations, they feel as they deserve it, and if you stop to give them, you are useless, their interests go often towards what they can use, it is not you as a person, but them in the center. Remove them from the center, and you will be manipulated and abandoned. 

There will no be a turn back, not this time. Eyes open to all of you, don’t fall in their trap, it takes time, you connect the dots and it is done, stop all their games, OVER.

Inspired by Preston NI, Streep P. and Sarkis MS

An Inspirational Walk

The sky is azure, that cyan wonderful blue, no clouds are around and the view of the horizon makes the sky looking even bigger. Far away, on my right, it is starting that pinkish color for the sunset, and I am enjoying my nice walk, my solitude, my slow pace. I stop to look at a flower, touch a palm, look at my feet stepping on the grass, or feel small compared to the sky. The background noise is the chirping of the crickets, they rub their leathery front wings together to attract females. I hope their are lucky and find the right one.

Sandhill cranes are around, I can hear the trumpeting alarm, I look for them. I love their shapes when they fly, my first painting will have one on it in the blue sky, and sand, and an ocean, and a lot of blue, and while I am closer to the forest, I hear a bird. It sounds as a car’s alarm, making two repeated sounds, silent, and two sounds again.

I love to breathe deeply when I am on my own and in a relaxing environment, it must be the fresh air, the green, the blue sky, soothing, calming, and I open my arms, as to hug the sky, because I really need a hug, and this beauty helps me to forget. I am still walking, now between the palm trees and the oaks, where there is insulation from the hot temperature and I hide from other people.

The hight of the palm tree forces me to lift up my chin and move my body towards the top. The rustles of the fronds, the textured trunk, I stare at it… reminds me of a pattern I could use in the crochet, a soap pouch as a palm trunk, and palms are at the beach too, just to relate to the ocean.

On my way back the sky is darkening, it makes me sad, it is like all the recent bad things happening show up right there. I look for something bright, the orange, fire red, vivid colorful sunset. It saves me, and I walk faster because the exercise, can change my mood, and I am sweating, a good sign, and I am speeding the pace, and the dark sky is right there, immense, peaceful, no stars, they run away from me, and I want to run towards them.

I believe I can fly…

each step brings me closer to my walls, I don’t need darkness, walls, I need a world full of colors and scents, my soap world, and here it is how a new soap is born, green, purple, natural

et voila’

It is late at night, tomorrow, after my walk, I will be inspired, and I will create a nice setting for the pictures, tomorrow, my exciting folks, tomorrow… be on the alert for a new arrival.

This is the crafting world. I do not know the outcome, I will discover it with you.

DID YOU KNOW COCONUT OIL IS BAD FOR YOUR SKIN?

The coconut oil has high content of fat. It is great if ingested, unless you are on a diet, or you have high cholesterol. In cosmetics, coconut oil is never that good.

I used to make masks for my hair believing it was going to nutrish them and have great shiny hair….WRONG… the fat molecules are so big that they cannot penetrate the hair, so the effect is more drier hair.

I used to think it was great for the skin…WRONG…it will not penetrate the skin, it will clog the pores. If you purchase a soap made of coconut oil, you waste your money, unless it is mixed with another oil and the coconut oil is a small percentage, same for shampoo, and body lotion.

The best oils for skin care: shea butter, olive oil, almond oil, and avocado oil. Coconut oils in soaps have the purpose to help with bubbles. People do not like soaps without bubbles…. WRONG…less bubbles, the better.

Ocean Natural Soap is a good brand for skin’s products. The motto is “If I do not put it on my skin, I do not put it in my soap.”

We care about the health of the skin, our soaps have 100% olive oil, or 90% olive oil and 10% coconut oils for bubbles. Our goal is to sell to prepared customers, who understand about health, organic, and beauty. We desire your happiness with quality products.

Our soaps may not be so colorful either, because we refuse to use artificial colorants. There are some half way naturals, but we like 100% natural. A soap made with natural products will never be bright in color, and the natural color will be changed by the properties of the lye in the process of making soap.

The pic above shows the Sea Strawberry Soap, made with 90% olive oil, 10% coconut oil, and the handmade almond milk contributing to make your skin soft and hydrating. As you can see the bright pink of the strawberry is lost in the soap making process, the next pic shows the dandelion soap, a beautiful natural green.

A strawberry soap or a dandelion do not smell as strawberry or dandelion, that is just the content for vitamin C or other nutrients present in the used vegetable or fruit for the benefit of the skin. The natural fresh fragrance of the soap is made up by the oils, and they smell good in their natural fragrance.

Some companies add essential oils, and it is right to believe that a fragrance is good and you want to smell good after the shower, but be aware that essential oils are not always 100% organic. We use a USDA certified oil for our products. We have Sea Strawberry, and Dew of the Sea, with Tea Tree essential oil, and Seagrass Meadows, with Peppermint essential oil for fragrance.

Have a good shopping!

The Fakes

In order for a person to be called psychologist, a master’s degree is needed at least, and in most cases a doctorate.

For all those people who improvise themselves as psychologists, please, give me a break! Do you really want to be one? Go back to school and study for it, or stop it! Do not just concentrate in one mental illness and diagnose everybody with the same one. The spectrum of the psychologist is very broad.

When I was young, I read an entire enciclopedia of psychology, I learned the history, the psychologists, the mental illnesses, and, as a grown up, I purchased different books about psychology, out of curiosity. Do I consider myself a psychologist? No, I am not that ignorant to read about something and consider myself an expert.

The manipulators will try to input information in your mind, making you believe something is wrong with you, and void to recognize the wrong is with them, they will play psychologists, what they are, just serial mental manipulators, insecure, and users, with no feelings, as long they get what they need.

Watch, they are all over! Do they need money? They will exploit all the opportunities and if you have something to give, they will beg faking affection, and when they find someone with more money than you, they will turn their backs, or they will just disappear. In their mind, there is only the way to use you, any other thoughts, does not exist.

Be always you. If you fall in their traps, admit your mistakes, and walk away. They are the wrong, not you, you did not know and failed to see the signs, but when you see them, when you recognize the signs, RUN!

Love Yourself

What is love? You can have a clear vision of what love is only when you are able to love yourself. Love can be different things to different women. Many women have no idea what love is, thus leaving them with no criteria on how they should be loved. As a result of women not knowing what love is, they often end up settling for anything in a relationship.

Before moving forward, there is an important thing to remember: before you can love anyone else, you must love yourself. Love yourself means that you place a high value on yourself. It means that you believe you are worthy of good things. No one is going to value you, unless you value yourself. Feel good about who you are as a person and don’t let anyone take that away from you.

I have met too many women in relationships that are beat down. When I say beat down, I mean mentally, not physically. These women believe that if they do everything right, then their partner will love them in the way they want to be loved. These women are beat down because they have given their all in a relationship, with little to nothing in return. These women are beat down because they have tried their best to change his attitude toward them, but nothing seems to be working.

These women are in a constant struggle to hold on to a man at whatever cost. In her mind, she believes that something must be wrong with her. That can be the only explanation for him not loving her, and no matter how many diets she tries, how many pounds she loses, how clean the house is, how she takes care of the entire house because he cannot do it, she gains more criticism from him.

Don’t allow him to take out his problems on you in an unhealthy, destructive way. The bottom line is that if he didn’t use this excuse, that he would use another. If he really cares about you, then he will be supportive of your endeavors. He should never be giving you hidden ultimatums: “if you do this , then I will love you more, and I would not treat you so bad.”

Many women believe that they do everything possible to please their man that he will give them the love and security that they desire. What about changing the question? Do not ask yourself what is wrong with me, have you thought about that you two may not be made for one another?

A friend was telling me once that if her husband saw her talking to another male, that he would give her the third degree. He controlled how she dressed, where she went, and who she could be friends with. She justified his behavior because she believed her man was just looking out for her best interest. Her happiness started to fade when she realized he was only trying to control her life.

If your mate is jealous, then that means he is insecure. Jealousy is not about love. It is about control. You do not need anyone to limit who you talk to, or to make choices for you, you are not a possession, you are not a trophy in a case. You are a person that knows what is best for you. Do no let anyone manifest their insecurities into your life. Refuse to settle for less than you deserve. Instead to be glad to have a man by your side, you should be looking for good love.

Good love is when you can feel good about a relationship. Good love is when you can be yourself in a relationship. Good love is when your mate is supportive of you, just as you are supportive of him. Bad love is the complete opposite of good love. If you are constantly being demeaned, don’t feel good about yourself, and your physical and emotional needs are always put on the back burner, than that’ s bad love.

Stop blaming everyone and everything else. You have the power to get out of that relationship. You are the one that has allowed him to treat you in this manner. You have to take responsibility for your actions or lack of actions. What’s love got to do with it?

Inspired by Woman to Woman by Martha J. Ross-Rodgers

The Trousseau

The trousseau is an antique Italian tradition of our grandmothers and mothers too, to donate towels, sheets, and all kitchen equipment to the spouse. Being born a female in Italy, in old times, was just a burden for the parents. While male were going to work, providing for themselves, parents had to dote the young girl getting married with real property, usually the house where she was going to live with her husband, and the expensive trousseau, plus kitchen equipment.

After the elementary school, if the girls were not continuing school, almost the totality of them, they were receiving a embroidery frame to learn how to do the needlework, and stitches while playing.So, finished school, the mothers were buying to their young girls, linen or tela of Monza, and they were teaching them to work on their trousseau. This was going to become their priority until they were finding a wealthy husband.

The girls were going to embroider towels, table cloths, sheets, and personal items, curtains, quilts, blankets etc. The wealthier family were going to prepare a trousseau of 12 items for each section, the less fortunate, only 6. The trousseau included crocheted blankets, table clothes, towels with initials and so on. Once finished, they were not going to be washed but preserved inside a wooden trunk.

Who does remember that terrible smell of camphor?

The preservation could take long time, but when the girl was finding a wealthy man, he was invited at lunch, the trunk was going to be opened to show the dote to all his family member and friends.A week before the wedding, all the girlfriends of the spouse were coming to the house, and helping to wash the trousseau by hand, the hard to remove stains were bleached and the sheets or items were hanged under the sun to dry in wire lines.

This was not too long ago, this was my grandmother’s timeframe, before the war. When I was child, time changed a little bit, girls were going to school, so it was my mother and grandmother working on my troisseau. I learned crochet and knitting, during the summers when I was visiting my grandmother every day. I never learned the embroidery art.

I was conversating with other people of my generation and we all have the same problem, we have the trousseau, which takes a lot of room, and we never use it. Mine was washed in the cleaners, for the fine fabric, ironed and packaged. It is still in its original package, worth a life of work, very elaborate, hand made and MADE in ITALY, but what do I do with it?

Today I went through it, like all girls open the trunk, and I felt proud of my grandmother and mother. They had good taste for the times, and I decided to put a table cloth in my kitchen table. Even the every day sheets have a lot of work on them, and are delicate to wash.

I can only take pictures of them and show off. They are too precious to be used, and memories are within them. My grandmother is no longer with us but her legacy is.

Il Corredo

Il corredo e’ una vecchia tradizione italiana delle nostre nonne e mamme, di donare tovaglie, lenzuola e set da tavola alla sposa. Nascere femmina in Italia, ai vecchi tempi, era un peso per i genitori. il maschio andava a lavorare e si poteva mantenere, mentre la femmina aveva bisogno della dote, normalmente un bene immobile dove andare a vivere col marito, la batteria da cucina e il corredo.

Dopo la scuola elementare, se le ragazze non continuavano la scuola, quasi la totalità di esse, gli veniva comprato un telaio da ricamo per imparare a ricamare e lavorare con l’ago.Quindi finita la scuola, le madri compravano stoffe di lino, cantu’, o tela di Monza ed insegnavano loro a lavorare al loro corredo, ovviamente, questa diventava la loro attivita’ principale prima che trovassero il “partito buono”.

Le ragazze ricamavano asciugamani, tovaglie da tavola, lenzuola, coperte, copricoperte, biancheria intima, sottane, tende ecc. Le famiglie più abbienti preparavano 12 set di ogni categoria, quelle meno abbienti circa 6. Il corredo comprendeva tovaglie con iniziali, coperte di uncinetto, lenzuola ricamate e, una volta finite, non venivano lavate, ma conservate in un baule. Chi si ricorda quell’ odore di naftalina?

Sarebbero stati conservati per molto tempo, quando, pero’, la ragazza trovava il partito buono, il futuro sposo veniva invitato a pranzo e il baule veniva aperto per mostrare la dote ai familiari di lui e amici. Una settimana prima del matrimonio, tutte le amiche si riunivano a casa della sposa e lavavano il corredo a mano, per le macchie più testarde si candeggiava e il bucato veniva steso al sole nei fili di ferro.

Non parlo di tanto tempo fa, ma dei tempi di mia nonna, prima della guerra. Da piccola, i tempi erano cambiati, le nuove generazioni andavano a scuola, allora erano mia madre e mia nonna a lavorare al mio corredo. Io ho imparato l’ uncinetto e i ferri durante le estati quando andavo spesso da mia nonna, e, sfortunatamente, mai a ricamare.

Stavo discutendo con altre ragazze e tutte abbiamo lo stesso problema, il corredo che prende tanto spazio, e che non usiamo mai. Il mio e’ stato portato alla pulitura e stirato professionalmente e impacchettato, ancora nella confezione originale. Una vita di lavoro, elaborato, fatto a mano e MADE in ITALY, ma cosa me ne faccio?

Oggi ho aperto i pacchi, proprio come le ragazze aprono il baule e mi sono sentita orgogliosa di mia madre e nonna. Avevano ottimi gusti per i tempi, ed ho deciso di addobbare il mio tavolo con una tovaglia. Anche le lenzuola giornaliere hanno un certo ammontare di lavoro e sono delicate.

Posso solo divertirmi a fotografare, sono troppo preziosi per essere usati e tante memorie conservate dentro i pacchi. Mia nonna non c’e’ più, ma la sua eredita’ ci sara’ sempre.

Spinacia Oleacea on Your Skin

During my teenagers years, Popeye, with his odd accent and improbable forearms, used spinach to gain strength from them.

During my teenagers years, Popeye, with his odd accent and improbable forearms, used spinach to gain strength from them. Spinach contain iron, and, apparently, Popeye helped to increase the American consumption.

Its scientific name is Spinach Oleacia, and you can eat this vegetable in a salad, row or cooked, even though the best advice is to cook the greens for a better digestion. The iron is not the only benefit gained from spinach.

Benefits of the spinach derive from the content of vitamins A, C, E, and K1 as well as folic acid, calcium, and antioxidants as lutein, zeaxanthin, queretin, and caretinoids.

Radiant Skin Tone

Folate and vitamin K can reduce the prevalence of dry skin, acne, and stretch marks, minimizing bruising and dark circles. This leafy green is so rich in vitamins , that can be, also used to relieve itchy, dry skin, leaving a radiant complexion.

Antioxydant Activity

The beta-carotene is an antioxidant, which aids skin repair and slow cancer cells. The vitamin C promotes collagen Synthesis, aiding skin cell repair and growth. The iron is responsible for providing oxygenate the tissue.

Skin Rejuvenation

The lutein and zeaxanthin fight radicals and reduce oxidative stress. The vitamin A in spinach can protect the skin from UV radiation. It fights oxidative stress occurring on the dermal layers and promotes skin health. The magnesium has the ability to heal wound, and skin’s infections.

For the purpose of skin improvement, we provide our spinach based soap, green in color and affecting the skin as you would use spinach, plus the oils that enrich the skin.

We also provide here a great recipe for a face mask and hair. Iron deficiencies have been linked to hair loss. Spinach, a rich source of iron, may help combat hair loss.

Ingredients:

6 leaves of spinach blended with few drops of water

1 tablespoon raw honey

2 tablespoon squeezed lemon juice

Mix the ingredients together, and apply on face,

it will be sticky but leave it on for 20 minutes.

Have a great skin!

The Benefits of the Parsley in Cosmetics

In cosmetis, the parsley is perfect to create natural bath and body products, that will care for the skin and hair.

In cosmetics, the parsley is perfect to create natural bath and body products, that will care for the skin and hair. The parsley is high in vitamin C, and vitamin C helps the skin to build up collagen, which gives the skin its structure and strength. Collagen helps to iron out fine lines and wrinkles.

It has been used for years in facial for its ability to heal blemishes and clean and soothe skin. Dried parsley flakes help to exfoliate dead skin cells and provide a lovely natural green color to soap.

It is an anti inflammatory, and rich in vitamin A and K. While the vitamin K in parsley may improve bone health, protect against chronic diseases, only if ingested, the vitamin A has anti-oxidant benefits. This is the perfect cosmetic ingredient for creating natural bath and body recipes for skin and hair.

There are two types of parsley that you can grow in your garden, the flat-leaf parsley, more flavorful, and the curly parsley. We used the flat parsley on all our soaps parsley based.

First this herb can be used to cleanse pores and regulate your own oil production. So, adding this herb to your typical skin care routine may help to promote more clear and healthy skin. Plus this herb has disinfectant properties to help to fight as well as reduce sore breakouts.

This rejuvenate herb helps and promotes faster healing for the skin. Further, this cosmetics herb has properties that can be used to reduce wrinkles and fine lines, or reduce under eye circles and puffiness.

For the hair, this herb can help to reduce hair loss. used on scalp can provide the extra nutrients and nourishments you need to keep your luscious locks for longer.

Further, this herb will promote hair growth that looks healthier and silky smooth. Plus, you can include this herb in your hair care recipes to enhance your natural hair color and provide a healthy shine.

This cosmetic herb helps to soothe the skin. This is especially useful for helping irritating bug bites. Not only will rubbing fresh parsley help to reduce the pain of the sting, but this herb can be useful for promoting faster healing.

Many have, also, used this herb to reduce the pain and inflammation that go along with bruises. Additionally, you can use this herb to fade the color of dark spots, freckles, and acne marks.

You can use parsley to even out your skin tone. Be aware that if you are allergic to celery, you may be allergic to parsley too. Do not use the soap if you are allergic to parsley.

Mask for face and hair

Ingredients: parsley and yogurt

Apply for 15 minutes, you can add honey, and lemon juice, egg and olive oil.